Pip and Bean

0 comments / Posted by Alyssa Wolfe

Charlotte is a hoarder. I fully expect someday to turn on my television to the sight of our oldest daughter on TLC surround by piles of sticks, rocks, scrap paper, half used art supplies and shells. I am sure she will be in tears about how she cannot part with these treasures, which all stem from something Brian and I did to ruin her childhood. Honestly, I am OK with that. I would much rather her be on hoarders than girls gone wild episode #10,005 St. Luscious winter break.  So, I put up with these tendencies and even go as far as to buy her tackle boxes to keep these mini treasures in. As an enabler though I tend to take large piles out of her book bag everyday and put them on the kitchen table and then forget about them till I am in a desperate state of crazy to regain our table for dinner. It was in one of these moments I came across her pile of "weekend news" papers from school. I smiled to myself as I looked through them thinking they would be chuck full of her version of all the fun things we do as a family on the weekends. Such as "mommy read books in all kinds of voices to us, we had our friends over and had a carpet picnic and watched movies, we went to the lake and played in the sand for hours." No. OH NO. This is what Charlotte's Weekend news said:

"I woke up and watched TV and got zucchini bread. I wanted to watch more TV but then we had to pick up the living room and our bedroom then it was time to pick mommy up. When we got there she was sick. We love the car-a coaster but mommy was too sick and daddy said we had to go slow. The next morning mommy felt better but we had to be quiet because her head hurt and she wore her big sunglasses. Daddy promised we could go for a car-a coaster ride some other time."

This lovely and telling news report was from the weekend that I attended a fundraiser called Kegs and Eggs. I am pretty sure that Charlotte's 2nd grade teacher may now have serious concerns about Charlotte's mother being a drunk.

In my sad defense:

I had a very mild college experience and was new to playing drinking games

I have only been completely shmammered to the point of throwing up one other time in my life

I was raising money for a VERY VERY good cause

I started drinking at 10am and didn't eat much

I am an idiot

We did in fact raise a lot of money for a very very good cause and I think that was in part because I was so good at cups (a lively drinking game)

I need to play softball to get my competitiveness out and not cups

I am an idiot

Luckily I have an amazing husband who told the kids I had the flu, picked me up, knew to bring a bowl and threw it out the window to me when he pulled up so that I didn't have to puke in my friend's bushes, put me to bed and kept the kids quiet the next morning. It took me over a month to even consider wanting to have a drink with dinner again. Someday I am sure Charlotte will put together that her mommy was not in fact car sick after attending kegs and eggs and when she does I will honestly tell her......I raised A LOT of money for a really really good cause and took up softball.

Mid Kegs and Eggs

with a name tag that had my husbands phone number on it

and instuctions to call him if I got lost.

I was responsible enough to at least think ahead.


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